Marine City Middle School Counselor Page

Mrs. Graven-Counselor 

Tips for Parents

How to talk to kids so they will listen:

  • Plan a quiet, non-threatening time to talk.

  • Listen without interruptions.

  • Ask for their ideas and opinions.

  • Keep your voice calm and low and your body language non-defensive.

  • Realize that all generations have their trends.

  • Avoid being overly critical.

  • Tell your child that you love him/her. Follow up with actions - a positive note in his/her planner and a kept promise.

How to set reasonable rules:

  • Don't make rules so restrictive that neither you nor the child can follow them.

  • Get feedback from your child.

  • Follow through on what you're going to do but don't be afraid to admit when you've made a mistake.

  • Be aware of school and other parents' rules curfews and limits.

  • Remember that you have control over the three "Ts" - telephone, television and transportation.

Helping your child achieve in school:

  • Know what's going on in the school. Call the school staff and visit the school.

  • Be supportive of the school and education.

  • Provide and enforce a proper study time.

  • Offer to help quiz for tests or review, but realize that some students will reject this offer.

  • Sit down with your child and write reasonable goals.

Helping a child adjust to an extended/blended family:

  • Don't expect your child to automatically love new family members.

  • Don't criticize their other parent, relatives and so on.

  • Plan special times for just you and your child.

  • Try to uphold some favorite family traditions and include your children in creating new ones.

  • Encourage your child to participate in new activities while including the old ones.

Working with the school:

  • Keep communication lines open with the school.

  • Provide an adequate study atmosphere and study materials at home.

  • Try the suggestions of teachers and other school staff.

  • Give the school information about your child that may be helpful.

Resources/Suggested Readings:

1.  Bright Minds, Poor Grades; A Parent Guide For Developing the Inner Will to Achieve, by Michael D. Whitley, Ph.D.

2.  The ADD/ADHD Checklist; An Easy Reference for Parents  Teachers, by Sandra Rief, M.S.

3.  How Rude; The Teenagers' Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out, by Alex J. Packer, Ph.D.

Also, available in the counseling office are the following booklets for parents provided by the U.S. Department of Education and the No child Left Behind Act:

"Helping  Your Child with Homework", "Helping Your Child Succeed in School", "Helping Your Child Through Early Adolescents", "Helping Your Child Become A Responsible Citizen".
 

THE STUDENT IN THE MIDDLE SCHOOL

Emotionally

10-11 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be emotional about body changes

  • have difficulty controlling emotions

  • display highly variable interests

  • have outbursts such as crying, fighting and swearing due to overexertion.

12 Year Olds Tend to:

  • worry over school work, exams and report cards

  • have rather sensitive feelings

  • have ambivalent attitudes - want to be independent and yet hold to delights of childhood

  • rebel at the idea of having a babysitter

  • confide in an adult outside of family rather than parents

13-14 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be anxious about the normality of development

  • be easily angered, and take longer to recover than when they were younger.

  • vacillate among interests

  • exhibit erratic behavior

  • realize their independence within the family structure deepening

  • learn to think, feel and act a role congruent with their sex

  • identify and relate to the behaviors inherent in sex roles

Socially

10-11 Year Olds Tend to:

  • begin to break away from parental control

  • be concerned with standards set by peer group

  • be able to display teamwork

  • be concerned with privacy in the home

  • show interest in the opposite sex / be teasing

12 Year Olds Tend to:

  • have critical attitudes toward home, parents and society in general

  • show independence in choice of friends

  • be concerned with group loyalty

  • crave periods of being alone

13-14 Year Olds Tend to:

  • exhibit an indifference to adults, especially teachers and parents

  • be concerned with presenting positive image for the peer group

  • strive to conform in order to achieve peer acceptance

  • be continuously changing friends depending on peer pressures and changing interests, needs and wishes

  • begin to explore aspects of their sexuality

Physically

10-11 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be involved in a period of brain growth

  • show rapid increase in weight (girls)

  • be willing to work hard at acquiring physical skills

  • display awkwardness, restlessness and "laziness" as a result of uneven growth

  • show beginning signs of secondary sex characteristics

  • show an increased appetite

12 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be at a plateau in brain growth development

  • experience rapid growth

  • be self-conscious about trying to learn new physical feats

  • experience periods of extreme fatigue

  • be self-conscious about sexual development

  • be capable of initiating good personal hygiene habits

13-14 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be approaching a new period of brain growth development

  • experience uneven bone-muscle growth; experience a variety of growth patterns

  • be easily upset if they are not physically coordinated or physically attractive according to existing cultural standards

  • be extremely restless

  • need a daily release of energy

  • tire easily and be reluctant to admit it

  • have difficulty accepting body changes

Intellectually

10-11 Year Olds Tend to:

  • need reinforcement of basic skills

  • function at literal thinking levels

  • be oriented to the present

  • be oriented toward viewing ideas and facts in isolation

  • make simple generalizations

  • begin to develop reasoning skills

  • handle forms operations and abstract thinking on a limited basis

  • need encouragement to work to the maximum of his/her intellectual development

12 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be able to refine those reasoning skills which have been learned

  • have difficulty acquiring new conceptual skills

  • begin go think for themselves

  • begin to understand abstract ideas like "justice", "honesty"

  • demand privileges but avoid responsibility

  • develop "hero" type worship - often a sports figure, or an entertainer.

13-14 Year Olds Tend to:

  • display varying levels of skill interests and abilities which are unique in the developmental pattern

  • like to discuss their experiences with adults

  • see relationships among similar concepts, ideas and experiences and make inferences

  • be capable of evaluating critically

  • have fluctuating interests

  • be easily discouraged if they do not achieve

  • have a varying range of creative expression

  • understand the elements of the environment and can be helped to see their relationship

  • be capable of exploring and selecting learning materials and experiences on their own

  • be trusted to assume personal responsibility for their own learning.

Updated 09/07/11

Marine City Middle School